Cross fingers, pray for Avenged Sevenfold

Hooray, it's rock week on the X Factor tomorrow!! Your playsheet is here.

Yes, it's going to be a whole evening of what ITV1 calls "ROCK" (or sometimes "rawk"): a bit of Queen, perhaps? (Well actually yes, we know there's going to be a bit of Queen). Maybe one or two Bon Jovis and, er... Razorlight? This week is either going to be incredible (if Olly does 'God Gave Rock and Roll to You' I'll be on cloud nine) or as dull as Danyl.

My main X Factor-related annoyance of this week has been the sheer number of intelligent people (including my own bonk-eyed future husband Russell Howard) who've said something along the lines of "I hope everyone votes for Jedward, just to annoy Simon Cowell! Haha, I bet he's fuming! LOL!"

He owns the damn production company, you fools. More controversy = more votes = more money for the Cowell. He wouldn't give a flying monkey if Jedward turned out to be the new Hitler Youth and won the series with a stirring rendition of The Fight Song by Marilyn Manson - it's all money for him, and it doesn't mean Jedward will suddenly take over the charts. After the Christmas single, they'll disappear quicker than you can say "identical twin Steve Brooksteins".

If you want to annoy Cowell, just don't vote for anyone. Simple as that.

Of course, this doesn't mean we shouldn't all keep watching it, completing our playsheets and dialling in our make-believe "votes" with a series of elaborate mimes. Down with capitalism, etc. Until the final couple of weeks, obviously. Ahem.