Anyway, so I thought I'd give a highly technical and po-faced car review here, complete with photographs. The kind that could easily be mistaken for the work of someone who knows things about cars. Then next time someone says "how's the car going?" I can direct them towards this blog. And hear no more from them ever again. Here goes.
Picture 1: The gearnob. If this isn't a very aesthetically-pleasing gearnob, I don't know what is.
Picture 2: Does the stereo play the most important and musically astounding CDs of the last 20 years? Why, yes it does.
Picture 3: Unfortunately, here we encounter our first hurdle. The stereo turns its own volume up and down according to how fast I'm going. Now, a lot of people would call this a technological advancement, but I consider it a product of Gordon Brown's 'nanny state'. I will decide how loud I want my CD, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Blah blah blah, big brother, wasn't like this in my day, couldn't make it up, etc.
Picture 4: And what the hell are you playing at here, Ford?!?!! One minute you're scaring me with your sophisticated turny-up-and-down-your-CD mechanism, now this! On a FRONT DOOR! Is it 2026 or 1983, eh? Sort it out.
Picture 5: Something must be done about this. I propose a letter and/or petition.
Dear Ford,
You call that a typeface? I could literally puke a more interesting typeface than that. I hate you, and because I hate you I am going to drive to your headquarters (in my poorly-fonted Ford so-called "FIESTA" - seriously, it looks just like that, like you've used Arial in capitals, you bastards) and write "PENIS" all over your walls in a really boring typeface. I won't even draw a cock and balls or anything - just write "PENIS" over and over again so that it's not even funny any more, it's just boring. And then I'll leave.
Yours sincerely, etc.
Picture 6: Apart from that, it's great thanks.
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