The clanging chimes of doom

Would you like a small portion of Christmas loveliness every day between now and Christmas Eve? Would you? Of course you would. Here goes...



First up, the 1989 version of 'Do they know it's Christmas?' - the Stock, Aitken and Waterman one. I love this because it's so frighteningly inappropriate. And because it's got Kylie in it.

My top five things about this version are:

5. Jimmy Somerville bopping his way through his first line.

4. The footage of starving Africans intercut with grinning popstars. If there was ever a perfect excuse to use the word 'juxtaposition', this was it.

3. Michael Buerk's Jedward-style spoken interlude. They missed a trick here: he should have rapped it.

2. A member of Bros (name unknown) delivering the famous Bono line "well tonight thank God it's them instead of yoo-oo-ouu, na na... yeah."

1. Lovely beaming ginger scouse pop personality, Sonia, belting out her lines with the kind of gusto normally reserved for "five gold rings". I can imagine the conversation Sonia had with Pete Waterman before recording this song.

Pete: "Would you like to be involved with a cover of the famous Band Aid classic from a few years ago, love?"

Sonia (beaming): "What's that then?"

Pete: "You know - Do They Know It's Christmas?"

Sonia (beaming): "You what, like?"

Pete: "Bob Geldof and Midge Ure wrote it. It's about famine."

Sonia (beaming): "It sounds a bit serious. What words do I have to sing?"

Pete: "You have to sing 'The greatest gift they'll get this year is life.'"

Sonia (beaming): "Aw, that's nice - it's about presents! I'll do it!"